In 30 Days I have to have fixed everything in my house that is wrong or my husband will either leave or put a bullet in his head. That in what was shouted at me 3 nights ago. I sit here taking that in as I type. I am trying to wrap my mind around him saying this still 3 days later. I am unsure of what is so horribly wrong here that is worth dying over. Or worth shouting at ones family in the middle of the night. Especially when ones children just lost their grandfather in the same way. Yes that's right, Grandpa put a bullet in his head about 8 months ago. The children hearing their father shout this is a horrifying thought to me.
I wonder what it must be like to have all your laundry just magically appear back in the dresser and closet, and all your meals just making themselves appear on the table? I wonder how it might be to have someone else do all the shopping for you? The meal planning, the cleaning and raising of children? I wonder how it is to have someone at your beck and call to be your punching bag?
If there were not small children who would have to go through life wondering why their mother didn't want them I might take Grandpa's way out myself. As it is I can't inflict that pain onto the kids.
I write this not so people can read it and talk to me, I don't want to talk about this with anyone, ever. I write it because I have nowhere else to get it out.
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